How to avoid the annoying idiots at the cinema

I’ve recently been on a cinema binge, going to see all sorts of films I’ve been eager to see since watching the trailer or reading about them. Recently I’ve seen Ant-Man, Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation, Mistress America, The Wolfpack, Man from U.N.C.L.E, Straight Outta Compton and so on. I love going to the cinema, sitting down to watch a film, experience what the writers, director, actors and everyone else involved has worked so tirelessly to create, relaxing and immersing myself into a fantasy world for a couple of hours. What is always a risk any time you leave your house, is that you will be confronted with and have to put up with the idiots of this world; the inconsiderate people who walk slowly in front of you, the ones who never stop talking, those who just refuse to take their backpacks off when they got onto the tube. Why?! You would think that you can avoid these neanderthals in the cinema.

But no. No you can’t.

There’s the person who talks to their friend about every scene in the movie. The one who uses their phone to check message and whatever else. The ones who come into the movie screen late. What is wrong with these people? Surely you can wait to check your phone, arrive a little early and shut up! I had to put up with all of this when I went to see Straight Outta Compton and it occurred to me that because I went when it was busy, during the evening and with other people, all of these factors resulted in pretty bad experience at the cinema (the film was good though, worth a watch!) Thanks to this and a few other trips I have come up with a list of what you can do to avoid these pitfalls and to hopefully enjoy your cinema experience just a little more.

Don’t go with friends

If any friends are reading this, take no offence. I love you, of course I do, but recently I’ve been going to the cinema on my own and it’s wonderful. I can choose where I sit, what to see, when to go, I don’t have to try and arrange other people’s schedules. I’m free, there’s a film on when I can watch it, so I go. I wrote about going to the cinema by yourself about a year ago which you can read here and you can incorporate that into this. If you don’t go with your friends, the chances of having one of them talk to you during the film goes down a lot! My friends spoke during the film we watched recently which, as much as I ignored, it annoyed me. Why talk when you’re there to listen to the people on screen? So yes, eliminate your mates.

Sit in the front row

Not the most ideal situation but, chances are that all you’ll see is the screen and nothing but the screen. The glare of someone else’s phone will hopefully not spoil your time in the dark and cut out the number of people who might walk past you when they just can’t wait for the loo! However, I personally hate sitting in the front row so this isn’t one for me.

Go during the day or as early as possible

I’m pretty lucky that I work in retail. Not because of the job but because of the the fact that I can finish as early a 4 in the afternoon, the perfect time to go to the cinema. Before anyone else finishes work, before it’s busy on the tubes, before the cinemas start to fill up. Normally, those who disturb you, go to the cinema later on when it’s full and crowded. So going at 4 or just after is an ideal time to go. Try to avoid your local multiplex later in the evening and weekends. You’ll thank me later I’m sure.

Choose independent cinemas

Independent cinemas such as the Prince Charles Cinema in Leicester Square will have less annoying clientèle because of the type of films they show. There is more respect for the movie and fellow movie-goers because of the type of cinema it is. It’s more of a relaxed atmosphere, their staff are obvious film fans, there are just two screens so not too many people there and, to add a bonus, it’s cheap! What more could you want?

Try to sit somewhere that’s as isolated as possible

This is a tricky one. Where is isolated in a cinema? I suppose near the door would be a good one. People rarely sit right by where they have come in, they walk around, looking for what they feel is the most ideal seat. However then you’ll have to put up with late comers, as I did during my recent visit to Odeon to see Man from U.N.C.L.E. So where else? As discussed earlier, the front of the screen isn’t the best, you have to crane your neck up! Ouch! It’s a tough one, how do you escape the phones, the late comers, the noisy eaters and the talkers? It’s almost impossible right? Wrong! It’s all about your timing. I have said it before and I’ll say it again, go during the day! Bunk off work and go!

Don’t be that annoying idiot

It might sound like an obvious piece of advice but sometimes you do something that pisses another person off. During a trip to yet another Odeon to watch Mistress America, I had my feet up and I had apparently kicked the row of seats in front of me a few times. Well this annoyed some lady who turned around during the film to tell me to stop it. I was as shocked as I was impressed. Here this woman is having a go at me, someone who loves going to the cinema and hates annoying others, especially when at the cinema and I’m a little scared. I’m awful when it comes to confrontation so I just didn’t know what to say, I put my feet down and carried on watching the film. I’d like to point out that I didn’t kick her chair! She was in the row in front of me and several seats to the right. I have never felt so bad, to violate the sanctity of the cinema, how dare I?! She was so impressive as I have NEVER had the guts to do this, never had a go at someone who is beyond annoying at the cinema. But she’s inspired me, next time I will say something. Next time someone doesn’t shut up, when someone is obsessed with the glow of their smart phone, when someone hasn’t emptied their bladder, when someone is being far too loud with their food, I will not cower in fear. I will stand up AGAINST THE FORCES OF EVIL AND ask them politely to be more considerate. Yeah…

So there you have it, follow these tips, and with any luck you’ll have a free cinema trip! Enjoy!

Keep. It. Reel.

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2 thoughts on “How to avoid the annoying idiots at the cinema

  1. This is fun!! I’ve noticed that the phone thing seems to be really prevalent there..and no one says anything. here, before the film not only do they have 2 little films about not using your phone..but in some theatres they have a person speak about it before the film also. Then if you’re still stupid enough to do it, the other people in the cinema WILL let you know. you def. get shamed out!! hahahaha also I go to a lot of advance screenings where they have security roaming the aisles & if a phone pops up, they are on you!! hhahahaha Generally I go alone to films..have done so for years..as I love it..but I do have a few friends I will take to screenings..they are well-briefed on my movie rules.. ha!

    • Oh that’s so good that you have people to tell you not to use your phone! I went to a press screening a while ago and you had to hand in your phone, which I’m a big fan of! I went to a rooftop screening and they had headphones for sound, so good! Combining those two would be great. I think I will always go on my own now, unless someone says they want to come with me! Just love having that time to relax, no one will talk to me and I can enjoy the film! 🙂 thanks for your comment!

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