How To Survive A Horror Movie

During this time of the year, lots of people will embark on the tradition of watching a horror film in order to celebrate Halloween. Others will be getting dressed up in their best and scariest costume to try and get whatever they can from their neighbourhood neighbours. And because it has been happening a fair bit up until recently, the clown craze will no doubt start up again. It’s an odd thing to randomly pop up and terrify people, being dressed up like a Ronald McDonald-esque character, it’s almost being like in a horror film. Being taken by surprise, unsure what’s going to happen, being spooked by mysterious creature and seemingly running for your life. But what do you do in that situation? How do you survive? What provisions should you keep on your person? Well horror fans (and non-fans) I’m here to guide you through this potentially horrific situation to make it…less painful. Shall we begin?

Supplies including food, water and first aid

A fairly basic guideline to adhere to but one that no one in horror films ever does. They run around, making themselves tired, hungry, thirsty and prone to injury, surely you can find things on the way? Perhaps Zombieland had it right, always keeping a massive vehicle on you for all sorts of paraphernalia. Although they just carried around guns, which to be fair, will come in handy during any sort of apocalypse. Which leads me neatly to my next tip for survival…

Ideal for those in 28 Days Later. Constantly running around, you’re going to want a lot of food and something to quench your thirst. 

running

A variety of weapons

Obviously! There’s always something that you can use, just be creative! I’m looking around my living room, there’s candle sticks, a wide range of bottles around of course, a lamp, a few sculptures, a vase and so on. Throw it, beat them with it, just use it before you lose it!

Ideal for those in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. A weapon against a chainsaw, you might just stand a chance.

weapons

A mirror to see behind you

There’s always that old trick of sneaking up behind people when they are alone with no chance of escape isn’t there? Perhaps a handy mirror would help them to survive just a little longer. Not one of those full length ones, a nice compact to carry around, just in case you fear that terror may strike! You never know!

Ideal for Marion Crane in Psycho. Maybe, just MAYBE, (if she used a mirror in the shower) she could have saved herself from Norman Bates.

behind-you

Wind up torch

This is one of the best inventions ever! In the horror movie genre, there seems to be a distinct lack of long-life batteries. It’s a borderline epidemic. The only solution to this is a wind up torch, they are wonderful! Not only will you not require batteries, but  We have one of these at home and frankly whilst you’re waiting for your killer / attacker to arrive, you can have hours of fun winding it up, I love it! It’s a toy AND it’s practical.

Ideal for Annabel in Mama. She NEVER turns on a light! 

torch

Another horror movie so you know what not to do

So many horror films you could refer to. So many times people run up the stairs and not out the front door. They leave the light off when there’s hundreds of them around you. Plenty of weapons to choose from and yet you run by them without thinking outside the box! A lot of horror films all seem to have space for stupidity, essentially what a lot of this genre is made up of. Just think if you had the knowledge of  another horror film, you wouldn’t go to that abandoned cabin, you would look behind you and you would run away as far as you can.

Ideal for Randy from Scream. He is the ultimate horror movie fan and even he cannot see the signs.

watching-a-horror

The script

For a lot of films within this genre, there’s a formula that they follow. A lot of them circling around the notion that there is someone out to get them, normally in a secluded cabin / house / mansion where people have been warned not to visit. And normally the person who is chasing them / killing them is someone they are somehow connected to. It’s a good formula with varied twists and turns in each film to make it fresh. However, the characters we’re watching don’t seem to know that, perhaps if they had seen a horror film before, they would be in  considerably less peril. So reading a script or seeing the one of the film you’re in would be the best item of them all when it comes to your survival.

Ideal for every horror film, ever.

script

And there you have it! I hope some of these tips come in handy so you can avoid the horrors of tonight. What else would you include? How will you survive?

Keep. It. Reel.

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